scaffolding? or cowardice?

i have circled a few of my stories like a vulture. yes, that means that, as they currently stand, they are like rotting corpses. dead. and stinky. and for a while now, i have continually promised that i would do something about them, just so that i could finish this project called marsilani. but- it's just so impossible!!!

one of the writer's guides i tend to believe in says that it is best to rewrite works IN THEIR ENTIRETY when in early stages of reworking. and, despite the fact that i have been stuck on some of these works for a matter of years (a couple), i must say that maybe starting from scratch isn't such a bad idea...

so i've been doing what i call scaffolding. it's like where i describe the story from the sky and gradually get closer and closer, sketching out dialogues, ideally determining a general structure for the story. i do this repeatedly. the story seems to change with each revised scaffold, with some changes being "evolutionary" and others being "revolutionary." at times, i get to this point where i feel relatively satisfied, the structure seems to hold, and it seems to capture something interesting, it has a chance of being a living tale.

BUT... getting to the actual writing of the thing has been extremely difficult. so i have to ask myself: should i continue to practice scaffolding? or am i just being a chicken? the writing itself- it can be so painful, after all. it is like looking at yourself in a very close-up mirror, and seeing all of your clogged pores and facial asymmetries and jowly cheeks, etc. it is like realizing that maybe, all together, you don't and CAN'T look particularly good, no matter how much you tweeze your eyebrows, or your nose hairs, etc. DOOMED to mediocrity, or absurdity, or ridicule.

i heard about some artist on npr, some artist who died today. can't recall his name. but the descriptions of his artistic process seemed so great. according to him, his art was less about IDEAS (because ideas limit, and you can run out of ideas); his art was more about exploration (maybe wrong word). this artist used a variety of media (including FOUND art); the media often determined the end product. i WISH my "art" could be like this; it sounds like the end product would be an unfolding, and that the process would be FUN. where's the fun in what i do? i mean, when it works out, when things seem consistent, yeah, it does feel fun. but most of the time, the attempt feels contrived, and then it is like you are building scaffolding over an empty pit...

oh well... oh well.