i can't stop i can't begin

apparently, classes (both uh and icaom) begin NEXT WEEK. who knew? certainly not i. but to stay on this track to nowhere, i've got to be nimble and jump on the moving platform. keep moving, little jumpman, or you're going to lose the chance for a bonus round...

i'm so-o-o tired. not physically necessarily (although there have been moments when i could feel myself literally passing out standing). more mentally. a part of me is constantly aware of what needs to be done, but it hasn't found a way to make me care. not to say that i don't do anything, but each little task is imbued with an inordinate amount of effort. like focusing the world's resources to move a pebble.

my mind strays to useless diversions. like this. this stupid blog that NOBODY reads, and less than nobody responds to. what is the point of it all? it is nothing but the recording of the squeaks of a hamster going round and round on his exercise wheel... nothing new but hey, i'm LOSING WEIGHT!!! yippy.

willow and aiden are my only bright spots, my only solace (lynn is gone on a business trip to nyc, and thus i'm particularly lonely and filled with ennui [look it up! a real word, overused by nasally williams college students!], having no one to NOT listen to me...).

i did the perfunctory violin lessons with the kids this evening. it's an exercise in patience, both for me and for them, but we managed to go through them without me blowing up. they're actually doing remarkably well; and, strangely enough, i worry when they are being too obedient, like i have somehow cowed their naturally independent spirits... is this what education is like? is this what education should be like? at times, i don't know... but in any case, whether i'm cruel or laissez faire about them, it's all LOVE, right? hope they realize it.

i've got to ground myself. we only move via our resistance to this earth. did you know that? without pushing off the ground, we can't go anywhere. right now, i'm practicing antigravity, floating in dreams and other purposeless mental loops. soon enough, i'm going to have to "bring myself down" and get back to business.

i want to, i don't want to.

how can i put it?

all in all, i suppose i am so tired, as soul asylum puts it, "that i couldn't even sleep."

no rest for the wicked, i guess.

sweet dreams to y'all (or, more likely, y'none).