the return to the pericardium

i have always been fascinated by the pericardium, or "heart protector" (xin bao).  every organ is said to play a role in the "government" of the body.  the pericardium is the envoy (sometimes represented as the prime minister), who alone communicates with the heart, that secret emperor.  it is through the pericardium that information is passed in and out of the secret chamber of the emperor within his forbidden city.  the pericardium is, in essence, the story teller, the most masterful story teller of all, for it is through his words that the fate of the kingdom is determined.

before i settled on "mid error" as my monicker (a play on the "mid air" and "in the midst of errors"; also an anagram of "mirrored", as one of my earliest stories was a play on the situation of the reflection in a mirror; note the metal reference), before "mid error", i used to be "pericarpediem," which was a play on the "pericardium", the membrane surrounding the heart, and "peri-carpe-diem", that which surrounds (and therefore hesitates in the face of) the philosophy of carpe diem, of grasping the moment...  it was meant to connote an interruption or delay in the interface between the self and the world, or the self and the other...  because, at that time (and actually, on into today), i have always felt that i was that gap, that interruption, that discontinuity within the flow...

so, in truth, the pericardium and i are old friends.  in my recent investigations to try to understand my pathology, this is what i read with regards to the pericardium (or heart protector).  i quote this in full because i feel it resonates: (from "Nourishing Destiny" by Lonny Jarrett)

Irony: Heart Protector- Strength and Openness

The irony that lies thematically at the center of the life of the heart protector constitution is that true intimacy is empowered by strength.  Habitually driven to avoid pain, the mind of the heart protector strives to the point of weariness in its attempt to avoid the pain it associates with intimacy.  Internally, the heart protector keeps painful events from consciousness, and externally the habitual mind either shuns connection with others or leads us into relationships where there is no real chance of intimate connection.  The habituated mind tells us we are being strong by either avoiding or pursuing relationships with others.  Behavior predicated on ignorance, however, always leads our heart to a state of being unfulfilled.  Ironically, whether engaged in relationship or not, our sorrow grows for lack of the meaningful connection that nourishes the heart.  True strength implies the ability to remain in the presence of pain resulting from both past and present relationships without letting it dictate our course of action.  Only in finding the courage to rectify the relationship between our heart and mind can the destiny of the heart protector ever be truly fulfilled.

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btw, in chinese medicine, the fire element is actually shared by four channels/organs, instead of the normal two (all the other elements are associated with a yin organ and a yang organ).  the element fire is composed of a pair of imperial fire organs: the heart and small intestine; and a pair of ministerial fire organs: the pericardium and the triple warmer.  all share the same general thesis of control vs. intimacy, and communication, but in different aspects...