it's another day... i got some more fish yesterday for my aquaponics setups. i don't know if i mentioned it, but i transported them all inside because i was panicking about the way that moth larvae were eating up and destroying my cucumber and zucchini plants. i have always been paranoid about pest pressures. but real authentic sunlight is a big thing too. i had been trying to prevent pests from attacking my plants by spraying neem oil on them... but honestly, that's not a good solution. it's not good because, no matter what, you're putting a chemical onto the plant, and that may have untoward consequences for the other organisms in the system (the fish, the bacteria). also, you end up quickly consuming it all. i was spraying only a few plants when i could, and in no time, i ran out of a couple of bottles... so ultimately, i felt the best solution was to bring them into the garage. for the remaining plants outside (the ones in the planter boxes), i am considering using some kind of netting to prevent them from being attacked. we'll see how that works...
so... yes, yesterday, i got more fish. i also bought tulle from walmart to use as the netting around my plants. we had intended on going to masa and ___?, a local food place in kaneohe that sells poke, and hawaiian food, and okinawan food... but they were closed. so instead we went to burger king. i swear, that was the best whopper i've eaten in a long time. maybe it's because i never go to burger king...
other than that, not much to report. the fish seem to be doing alright, but we'll see what happens. i always suspect that some fish are bullies, and they stress out other fish so much that they eventually die. the paradoxical solution is to put MORE fish into the tank with the bullies... when there are too many other fish, the bully fish usually return to just swimming harmlessly along...
***
i was feeling cold and tired, so i just turned off the fan. there's a breeze kind of sloughing (don't know if that's the appropriate use of the word), and some light rain is falling. it's a kind of watercolorish gray day. i sort of like it. it's better than those blaring blue sky days where the shadows are hard, and you feel like you are always dirty and sweaty...
to be honest, i'm not sure what all this blogging and writing is supposed to do for me. i have always been so goal-directed... like, i wanted to finish writing this book and that poem, etc. but like most of the truest things in life, at least to me, it's not about what i want. it's not a clear progression from here to there. or at least, that's how it seems. art is kind of a form of trickery. like you have to trick yourself into accomplishing something, but because it has to seem like a discovery, you can't know where you are heading beforehand... it's like you put a blindfold on yourself, and walk on the same street, handicapped... i guess that's what it's like.
it's also like just vomiting a stream of your innards out... in the hopes that you will somehow find some diamonds amongst the half-digested chunks of food... gross, but i think it is true.
...well, maybe that's not quite so apt. maybe it's more like you exhaust your cognitive processes so much through writing that, in the afterglow, in that moment of forced relaxation, something- a truth, a voice, something- comes in. that's what marione howe was talking about, i think...
***
okay, now when i close my eyes, all of these images come unbidden... i think my mind is like this plenitude... i just wish. i just wish it would quiet sometime, and some sort of true voice would remain. and it would just be a matter of listening to that voice, that single, solitary voice... that's how i'd hope it would work out for me (but it never really does).
okay, nuff said for today.
No comments:
Post a Comment