my apologies. i got slammed with correcting the acupoints final, and like a massive turd, it clogged up my system for a few days straight. it was frustrating because this year all the finals were submitted in electronic form- and some were out of order, or seemed to be missing pages, or... whatever. i have a billion excuses. fact is, i wasn't looking forward to doing it, it tends to be very mundane stuff... so i had to just sit (or lie down) and do it.
in any case, i have moved forward on a couple of things. i set up my first hydroponics station. we'll see how that works out. i also planted a bunch of seedlings, in preparation for planting to the left planter box section, as well as for future hydroponics stations. and, i purchased pretty much everything i need to set up the rain catchment system. so i guess you could say i am progressing towards... something.
every now and then, i play minecraft. i don't know what really endears me about minecraft. i mean, some of it is nostalgia. it's from a time when i used to play the game with my kids. and we started off the spring break doing that... but after they got animal crossing, that's the last i've heard of them. instead, i've been playing on my own. i must have started a few different worlds now. and i gleaned a few insights as to how i work. i like beginnings. i like getting thrown into situations where there is a kind of clarity as to the actions that need to be taken. people like to idealize beginnings, they like to say that beginnings are full of possibilities. it's true, in a sense, but in another, it's not true. actually, at the beginning, you are limited in what you can do, so there is a relatively clear path of progression. you need to do this to do that, and you need to do things in a particular order. and i guess i like that. i like the clarity (or rather the pressure) of doing things in a set order. the problem gets to be, ironically, in the "middle kingdom," where you start accomplishing things. then, there ARE open possibilities, there ARE things to do next, but there's no real compulsion any more. i mean, you have some food, you have some armor, you have what you need to survive... so why bother, and go further? there are arguments about what you can build next, or all these elaborate things you could do. but all of them have a cost... and not all of them have a... what's the word, necessity? for that matter, it's at that point, usually, that i wonder, "what is the point of this?" and then i start asking that fatal question: "why am i wasting my time here?" and then there is a simultaneous lack of motivation, and a feeling of mild disgust...
perhaps this is how things are in life too.
i once thought of things in terms of pressure. like water pressure. like, how there is a kind of clarity and flow when you have clear walls around you that contain you, and basically force you in one direction. and then, often, when you accomplish whatever it was you were driven to do, there is a loss of clarity, and an indecisiveness of flow... and you get lost. i suppose that's the dilemma of life, of always maintaining that pressure, that flow, even when the intial impetuses for things are lost... either that, or, well, things just get too difficult, it's too difficult to penetrate and proceed, and so you get a backflow... and again, there is this indecisiveness, this lack of clarity...
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apologies... i kind of passed out in the midst of writing. i have been kind of tired today.
the world upsets me. let's just put that out there. i am disgusted by the daily news, and by the fact that a society that should be rational is letting the lowest common denominator rule. republicans, that means you... nuff said, before i go on another rant.
my wife is intending to volunteer to work for a friend. i guess it's the best thing right now. it keeps her busy... and she is worried about being cut after whenever this whole social isolation period is over (which seems indefinite)... i'm not sure if i'll be happy or sad when the world goes back to whatever it returns to... in a different form, no doubt. i've been okay with the way things are. honestly. of course, not the deaths, not the hit to the economy, not all the losses of opportunities, the risks to the essential workers, etc. but i mean this state of suspended animation, where we are expected to stay at home. that is what i sort of like. i mean, it has given me time to work on things. it has given me time to reflect a bit. and what's wrong with that?
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