dream: 7/6/2020

i had a relatively vivid dream this morning. i was at williams again, only a different, unrecognizable williams. at least it seemed like williams at some points. i woke up alone in the early morning. i walked up to the bathroom mirror (though i did not really see myself in it... maybe if i did i would see someone else?). i got some shaving cream, and i recall that although it was a new bottle, it didn't come out smooth, so i shook it vigorously... and then it came out in this overly large dry styrofoam-like cloud that i smeared across my face... i recall the thought that there were all of these supplies outside- when i looked out a window, it seemed as though there were some garage or something with all of these supplies stored up. and i remember thinking what would happen if i stole something; would they catch me and kick me out? i recall thinking about them grilling me, and how i would eventually give it up... but anyway, it seemed as though the whole dorm started waking up, and i saw all of these people walking through and using the room. it was never like that at fayerweather or the dorms i was at, but for some reason, it was extremely crowded then. and there i was, walking around with my shirt off (thankfully i must have been wearing something below), and shaving cream on my face... and there were even girls there. i recall three asian girls dressed in black, making plans to go to their classes... i suddenly realized that maybe i was running out of time, and going to be late. i looked for my planner, and my schedule, and realized i had to attend some class outdoors at "lewton" at 9. when i glanced over at the clock, it was something like 8:50. i desperately asked where lewton was, and this one girl with large glasses answered, exasperatingly, (as though i definitely ought to have known this by now) that it was somewhere near west, or in the same direction as west, or something. (of course, i didn't know where west was either, but i tried to remember the direction she pointed...

anyway, that was about it for the dream.

i guess what was different about this one was that there were more people, and it seemed more intimate, as though they were coming into my life or something. in the last few times i dreamed of williams, for the most part, i was a stranger.

i also seemed to recognize some of the faces in this dream: ghosts, no doubt.

i don't know if i have mentioned it, but i seem to be recalling miscellaneous things about my past. it is my hope that something in me is starting to melt. the past is like a web that i'm starting to trace, like a spider. i touch a node, and there are vibrations that return to me, and each vibration summons up a related flash of a face or a voice or something... of course, i don't really have control, and there are definite limits to what i can see... but it is something. the past is not dead, and perhaps neither am i.