i have been listening to david sedaris again. this time, the gist of his message was that you should be kind to people, and trust them. it was interesting. he is "living the dream," so to speak, as an author. he has sold 12 million copies, as he said, and had his work translated into 27 languages. but he didn't pursue the "traditional path" of being an author. he never submitted his work to a publisher. he never sought out an agent to promote his work. (that's not to say that he doesn't have a publisher, or an agent, now. it is to say that he never pursued them from his end.)
what happened, as he says it, (and i'm sure it was a bit more complicated than the way he presented it) was that he did a reading in a creative writing class... which led to an invitation to successively bigger and bigger readings (at which he would write new material each time; as he puts it, you don't want to be lugging around your one successful work...). eventually, someone called him to do a reading on npr, and voila, that led to a publisher asking if he had a book ready to go (which he did, because he had been constantly writing...).
that sounds like (pardon the pun) a fairy tale, if i'd ever heard one...
*****
in any case, i'm thinking of revising how i do my writings. this compulsory "poem" "story" thing is really killing me. the reason is because i usually just start writing whatever comes to mind, and as a result, there's no continuity (at least for the story). they are just 30 minute vignettes, and incomplete ones at that. i know i need a more disciplined approach. so i bought printer ink finally, and i think the idea is that i map out the work that i intend (and, really, in some format, i've had a general web of ideas for this book- it's just i always get tangled in the details and execution). i will write focused on some story in the book, and print it, and put it up... and then when i'm done, i'll try to do readings or something, in the fashion of david sedaris... or maybe not... i don't know. i'm not sure if there is such a venue for such readings, especially in the age of covid. maybe a zoom call or something. but i'm not sure if we can get people to commit to listening to such stuff... and in any case, i'm not sure if there would be the sort of reaction that sedaris got, the kind of reaction that would serve as feedback...
anyway, that's kind of the plan.
when i write, i'm going to still set a timer, but maybe longer. and again, it will be "disciplined," i.e., focused on a single work. and i won't shift to another story until i finish the one i'm working on. and i think i'll listen to music (on earbuds or something) to sort of tune out the world, and get into a kind of "zone."
i recall that sometimes the best writing i've done has been when i felt really... "smooth." like everything was okay. i don't know. it would feel like i was "in tune." like (and i'm not consciously making a radiohead reference) i was a radiohead, and i had turned the dial gradually until the music, the most awesome music, would come out crystal clear... no static.
lately, or maybe like forever, i've been plagued by anger. and hatred. and self-loathing. and shame. i'll tell you what that feels like, it feels like a fist in your gut clenches, and your teeth gnash, and you want to rip yourself apart... and you don't feel like talking or writing any more, because it seems like the eyes of the sphinx are staring down at each letter, and making it feel ashamed and worthless... and then the words that come out, the dead insipid words, are strung together like a weak and listless ribbon, pale and transparent, and floating off into the ether, unseen or unheard, by the audience who is listening to fox news... that's what it feels like.
i need to bypass the anger. i have to just get to the job and write.
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