i had at first intended to write an entry last night, but we had people over. it was my son's birthday party last night (his actual birthday was on 6/29), and some of his friends came over to play smash. i know, it wasn't maintaining social distance, etc., and only one of the participants wore an actual mask. but these kids have been socially isolated for many months now, and we (all parents involved) considered them as safe as anyone else. in addition to that, my niece and nephew and his girlfriend came over (the first to help lynn bake cupcakes, and the second and third to eat stuff). i suppose the rules should have applied to them, but they kept themselves separated from the party goers.
anyway, i have been off and on doing my routines. it has been far more sporadic.
i listened to david sedaris again last night. i must say that his routine and commitment to writing are impressive. he says he goes through an average of 18 revisions or rewrites before he allows an editor to view things. and between revisions or rewrites, he actually reads his work in front of an audience to gauge their reactions. he talked about the concern of holding an audience's (reader's) attentions, and that, for him, he averages about 12 pages... he's definitely not a novelist, so he doesn't have to worry about, say, holding a reader's attention to page 274 or something.
one thing that really stuck with me was his distinction between "emoting" (cue the little violins) and "getting at the truth." he said that, unless you're writing for a hallmark special, you should avoid emoting at all costs, and instead get at the "peel at your skin" practice of getting at the truth... i.e., the heart of the matter. that's what real writing is about anyway. he also said something about how, as a reader, he's not interested in knowing "how you feel"; he IS interested in hearing about your problems. i think that's an interesting distinction.
*****
my writing of late has SUCKED. i am dry of inspiration. and, again, i am wary of writing the longer projects, because of the way it feels so boring and contrived. even if it is meaningful. i wish i could write in the 12 page frame, but frankly, my life is NOT funny, and i don't have a funny perspective on things. i find my wife is funny, she often says little funny observations... but i'm not. in fact, i have a decidedly dour and depressing take on life. and i don't know, i can't get to the meat of things in a short time frame, AND put out some sort of endearing or uplifting message.
i have imagined that it was partially due to my commitment. i mean, i am committed to writing, i think. but i don't rearrange my life for it. i don't put into place some of the practices that make writing a vocation. i just incorporate into my routine. and maybe that's for my protection, and for my sanity. i recall times when i would simply write and write and write myself into a corner, and then be filled with complete loathing, and be unapproachable by anyone. and besides that, while i obsessed about my writing, other aspects of my life would go to shit. so i made the decision to keep a routine, and just cycle through it... that would eliminate some of the guilt i felt about, say, not getting to any one particular thing... i mean, i would get to it eventually, but out of fairness, i would have to do everything before it. i imagined that i could increase my commitments gradually, as i evolved. for example, in piano, i can definitely play the 3 staples, and i have tried to expand to some more modern repertoire... and for drawing, i am experimenting with color now, hopefully in preparation for learning how to paint. writing, though... it is, how shall i put it, hard to progress.
i'll keep trying at it. maybe i will buy printer cartridges, and print out my writing, and post them up on a wall or something... some sort of visible reminders... and maybe get a little pocket notebook to jot down ideas that may come up (i believe gaiman and sedaris both do this; as well as the poet billy connor). i don't know.
oh well, happy independence day!
july 4 is a special day for lynn and i (though i haven't prepped anything special for her). it's the occasion when i proposed to her.
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