i should stop.

sometimes, you need what i am calling now pauses of silence and sincerity. talking/writing too much gives free reign to the (wordy) ego. the ego and language share a bond. both are essentially frameworks and negotiated boundaries, that want to claim a reality they don't possess. so just by overusing language, you reinforce the illusion and drive the conquests of the ego.

so again, i should stop.

i remember trying to articulate this problem in religion class. "you are trying to describe something, but in the very act of describing it, you separate from it and mutilate it. it's always already in you. before you can speak. so how can you say it?"

i believe i am sincere in my writing. it serves a purpose, to articulate an inquiry. but then again, am i just being an echo-narcissus? am i just writing to make a noise that will shut other people up?

on facebook, if i write something too "considered," then the responses are: a) silence (more common), b) reductionist perversity (second most common), c) ramped up intellectualism mixed (usually) with testosterone. occasionally (usually from a friend), there will be d) a tangent or an equally sincere inquiry.

i wish there were more d's in the facebook and real world, but it seems that when you voice your thoughts out loud, more often than not, others want to silence or outdo you. i never intend competition/confrontation. my interests have always been a playful inquiry into the truth...

mark my words: when too many hyenas and jackals come to play, you know that the real meat of the discussion has already gone.

so again (and again and again): i should just shut up.