attrition

yes, so i am finally opening up this blog again to "anybody." there was a period when i was posting things that maybe were a bit too personal; as it is, maybe i continue to leave things that i should have hidden. but it's far too late for that... i guess i was also feeling a bit overwhelmed. like a lot of people (but perhaps not to the same degree), there have been a lot of things going on... the economy, for certain, but also other things, perhaps not directly related to the downturn of things of late, but things that revealed themselves in the face of the more overt crises...

it was also sometime about now, last year, that i first began this whole blogging venture. so you could say that, at the one year anniversary, i decided to close up shop. bag it. keep it for posterity, but not let anyone read it...

i actually started a new blog, called marsilani2... but i only posted a couple of things on it, and when i come around to it, maybe i'll transfer those two useless entries here...

there's a phenomena that occurs when you allow yourself to share too much of yourself. at a certain point, you start to run empty or run dry, and you become intimately aware of your patterns, your endless repetitive patterns, because they keep turning up in everything you write, everything you think. when you run up against that realization, it can really stop you in your tracks, sap your will to do much of anything... we all want to feel as though we carry the potentiality of the universe within us (even though, deep down, i'm sure we all realize that we are "one-horse annies")... we all want to feel that there are sides of ourselves that are unseen, or barely hinted at, and these "facets" keep us fascinating, and relevant... but no, we are who we are, and who we are is, ultimately, finite... we as individuals are just glinting fragments of an endless unswallowable sea...

some updates that aren't really updates... i continue to enjoy teaching. in fact, i'm getting, i feel, better at it, in the sense that the kids and i have come to a relaxed and easy relationship. i think kids sense whether or not you're on their side or not (and ultimately, you have to be on their side, even when you're trying to coerce them into doing something they don't realize the importance of), and they may play with you, or "play you," but ultimately, they'll know that you're trying to help them... on that level, yes, i think i'm growing to "love" my students...

on another level, i'm thinking about pedagogy, how to teach all of the various aspects of language arts (and, for that matter, all subject matter). i am thinking about this partially for when i have to teach language arts, and develop a systematic and thorough program for my students. but i am also, of course, thinking about how to teach my own children (willow and aiden). it's actually quite fascinating... i never thought about how complex a thing reading is until i had to attempt to teach it to my own kids... actually, willow has no problem with it (as, i recall, was true of myself), but aiden has several issues with reading, and with any endeavor requiring focused attention. it frustrated (and frustrates) me to no end how he would "turn off" and become distractable whenever i would even hint at drilling phonics, etc. this, i think, is the essence of the problem for educators/parents... most, when confronting this sort of "wall," start to become the bad-ass disciplinarian... and, don't get me wrong, for some kids, like aiden, an element of that is necessary. but curriculum-wise, the "teacher" in me is always thinking about how to break a task down into its simplest, easily digestible components, AND how to make those components palatable, interesting even...

never let it be said that the job of a teacher is simply to know his/her s**t. more than that, you have to know how to teach what you know. i'm continually reminded of this. that's the fun of the game of teaching. that's the work of compassion involved in it. compassion. kuan yin, although commonly depicted as a version of white tara, kuan yin is able to manifest in many forms, each suitable to the needs of a particular individual, at a particular moment. in other words, compassion is flexible, resilient, and takes the appropriate form to meet the appropriate need. insofar as a teacher is compassionate, s/he must be the same as kuan yin, changing to best serve the needs of the student.

well, maybe that's enough nothing to write about for now... i can't think of many thoughts that have really run through my head...

oh yeah, here's one. it was actually from last week's npr talk of the nation science friday. instead of bailing out the big 3 auto makers, why not have companies like tesla and mini (which have been able to produce working electric cars that can go 100 miles on a single charge) take over the big 3 auto factories, and retrofit them to mass produce their electric cars? 1) innovation will make the big 3 competitive again; 2) cut down on dependence to oil, and carbon emissions; 3) the big 3 workers can keep their jobs... just a thought.