saw a video from richard lavoire, who is some expert on teaching kids with learning disabilities (but arguably great at teaching teaching AND parenting in general).
here are some of his interesting ideas:
1) switch from punishment to reward based systems of reinforcement. lavoire makes the significant statement: "punishments only STOP behavior. but rewards CHANGE behavior." he gives the example of kid a who pushes kid b. typical teacher (capital A) proceeds to punish kid a by imposing sanctions (no recess!), forced labor (write: "i will not hit kid b forever and ever amen" 100 times [more on why this is inappropriate later]), calls to the security council (phone calls to mom and [gulp] dad)... which results in, yes, kid a NOT pushing kid b... at least in your immediate presence. as soon as the bell rings, and as soon as kid a catches kid b as kid b attempts to flee school, there is VIGOROUS pushing from kid a to kid b to the ground... yes, teacher A stopped the behavior in a specific context, but there is little, if any TRANSFORMATION. if anything, there is a proliferation of negative behavior, just not in teacher A's presence...
switch to teacher B. yes, kid a pushes kid b, and there are consequences for that action, as outlined in the geneva treaty to which all the kids agreed beforehand. but teacher B doesn't "push it." and teacher B happens to witness kid a doing something nice to kid b while out on the baseball field. so at the very next opportunity, teacher B decides to point this out, calls kid b up, maybe in front of the class... "i saw what you did out there-" and here kid a cringes thinking he'd been caught doing yet another mischievous act "-and that was great, awesome, helping kid a like that." kid a is more likely to change, be nice to kid b in the future, than in teacher A's class...
2) don't say you're "disappointed" in a kid. lavoire says that that is perhaps the most hurtful thing to say to a child... you can say you're angry, but disappointed- that's a hard thing for a child/adult to stomach... it also makes their self-esteem dependent upon external expectations which they may feel they have no control over...
3) [hard for me] punishment must fit the crime. say kid a does something bad, maybe brings home a bad spelling test. is it appropriate to punish kid a by taking away something he loves to do, say swimming? before, i would say yes... but upon reflection... wouldn't it be more appropriate to increase the amount of time kid a had to spend studying spelling? to penalize a child by removing something he loves: 1) makes the kid hate the original thing [spelling] even more; 2) hurts the child by perhaps cutting off his one route to pleasure and maybe even giftedness; 3) doesn't improve the original situation [spelling], not one bit...
also, if kid a hit kid b... why not make the punishment fit the crime by, say, having kid a spend POSITIVE time with kid b, like interviewing him, finding 10 positive things about him, etc.? sure, an imposition on kid b, but it seems more apt than other "punishment" mechanisms.
4) time outs are NOT punishments, they are intended to remove a child from stimuli so that he can return to the normal environment "grounded" and in "neutral" so to speak... moreover, it is the teacher/parent who decides when the child returns from time out, NOT the child... to tell a child, "you return when you're good and ready" empowers the child, and perhaps reinforces the negative behavior: "okay, so whenever i want a break, i just pull a fast one, and i'll go on time out, hee hee."
5) bottom line: self esteem is like poker chips. some kids have a lot going for them, so they've got boundless self esteem and a ton of poker chips. such kids will have easy times taking risks, trying to answer questions posed by the teacher, because even if they make an "unwise gamble," they've still got a ton of poker chips... other kids, maybe kids with ld, have only a handful of chips, which they clutch in their hands tightly. EVERY INTERACTION imposes a risk that could prove the end of their "gameplay." so they take few risks, even on relatively safe bets...
OUR JOBS AS TEACHERS AND PARENTS IS TO FIND A WAY TO GIVE A CHILD POKER CHIPS, such that he leaves with more than when he came to us. build a child's self-esteem, so that they will be better able to deal with the risks of the world.
also, if you do advocate, seek out those "negative" poker chip stealers in the world: people, situations, etc. that cause a child to lose their esteem WITHOUT ANY POSSIBLE GAIN. these are the unfair gambling houses, the thieves, etc. find them, expose them for what they are...
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