dream 4/10/2021

i've been pretty tired lately. i don't know if i explained my "disease," but... i'd had an abscess on the back of my shoulder. although reluctant to get it checked out, i eventually did go in. the doctor incised it so that its contents could weep out (previously, i had been "popping" it). anyway, i was given a course of antibiotics to clean it out from the inside. it was a pretty aggressive course, two types of antibiotics twice a day. i was down to almost my last day last weekend, when i was struck with this sudden fatigue and fever. i ended up sleeping for most of last saturday, into sunday. it was off and on fever and chills with this near constant fatigue. i ended up calling in sick for monday. then on monday morning, i discovered that there was a rash all over my torso. at the time, it wasn't itchy; it was just red and splotchy. gradually, it started to progress onto my limbs, and my neck and head. so i went to the doctor's again. they weren't sure what it was, so they ruled out covid and the flu, and they did some bloodwork on me. they still weren't sure by tuesday, but they guessed that the antibiotics were causing some kind of allergic reaction in me. so i discontinued them (i had already discontinued monday's dose) and i was to just rest to recover. i started taking claritin to get rid of the allergy symptoms. i think i was taking more than the recommended dosage, because the itchiness would start returning with a vengeance... so long story short, i think that this fatigue is just a result of all of that, of playing yoyo with my adrenals...

*****

ahem, the dream. so in this morning's dream, i was in california. there was this feast at the tenrikyo church there (although it definitely didn't look like the honbushin over in california). everyone was there: my family. even my brother. i didn't want to see him, even in my dream... so anyway, my uncle masao was there, and he seemed genuinely happy to see me (that's not necessarily true in real life), and even invited me to his place (which used to be my grandma's house in ewa beach). i truly intended to take him up on the offer, because we haven't been to my grandma's since she passed away... then there was the meetup with my brother, awkward. in fact, i don't think i even really looked him in the face... i think there was the sense that he was jealous or angry because willow had made it into berkeley. but whatever. i also saw faces of people that recognized me... this guy that i might have associated with during my california days. maybe not quite a friend. but he recognized me, and seemed like he wanted to catch up... and even in my dream, i had this thought, this thought that i have in real life, that although it would be nice to have a friend like that, i know that there would be this inevitable disappointment when that person realized what a total bore i was.... it got me to thinking about what constitutes a friendship? how does it happen? why does it happen? i know, these are not deep questions, but they are of concern, especially for someone like me, who doesn't understand, or isn't necessarily even comfortable with, the whole issue of being close to people...

so anyway, up the street, there was berkeley. i imagined i could even see part of the campus in the distance. but at the same time, there was this christmas parade going on. and i was carrying this huge, longer than usual broom (why?). so i wanted to go to berkeley, to check it out, and maybe clean up the place a bit. but to get there, i had to navigate through all these performances of elves, and floats getting ready to be deployed. it was chaotic and interesting to say the least. i had to coordinate my push forwards in breaks in the dancing. i remember seeing this large white float that said omega... kinda thought it must have something to do with a sorority or something. i imagined a bunch of blonde barbie doll girls to be getting ready to deploy with that float... 

i never actually got to berkeley... i woke up sometime at that point.