i've been having a streak of bad luck.

i don't know if i'll survive it.

if there's one good thing about bad luck, though; you kinda stop resisting it after a while. when it happens, it's like, "oh, so you're gonna throw that wrench into my engine? well, okay. what do i do next?" i'm just in reaction mode, dealing with each new impossible threat. forget about breathing space, and sky...

i keep thinking about lynn, willow, aiden... i have to keep a smile on my face for them. and a space in my heart. literally. when they speak to me, when they want to play, i inhale, and "create" time for them. in my senior religion seminar on "time," my professor kept going on and on about how time as subjectively experienced could be endlessly distended. i think he was trying to show how we don't need gravity wells and such to demonstrate the folding and stretching of time and space; we each contain and experience time within ourselves differently, truncating it, unpacking it... anyway, to get back to the point: with those i love, i must clear a space and clear a moment. it is the most fundamental form of love and generosity.

i am tired though. concerns have crowded me in. it's not enough in this world to try to be a good person. you have to actually BE one. and even then, your survival, and the survival of those you love, is not guaranteed...

... in fact, perhaps, being good is the same as assuring your extinction.

***

i heard on last week's science friday that, according to calculations, wind power could supply all of our energy needs. of course, it has a substantial start-up and maintenance cost... but there is no carbon cost to it. and, what's more, the use of so many windmills would alter the weather- but in a good way. it would actually serve to disperse excess heat in the atmosphere...

on some other radio show this afternoon (don't know what it was called), there was a discussion on carbon sequestration. while it has its advocates (mainly those who are desperate to support coal), one of the speakers said, quite frankly, that it was the dumbest idea he's ever heard. this speaker mentioned that coal production will exhaust key reserves in twenty years at most, so even if the u.s. did develop and implement carbon sequestration technology, it would be a moot issue in a couple of decades. the speaker also mentioned that carbon sequestration would only take care of the combustion aspect of coal, and not deal with all the sins involved in the mining... some of those sins, he described in detail. coal towns are generally the poorest places in the nation, with substantial health issues. by some statistical analysis, the speaker said that the costs (in terms of overall casualties, along with some other figures) far outweighed the benefits in coal production...

maybe we will be living in a world that is similar to laputa (a hayao miyazaki film which i never saw in its entirety, but which did envision a whole lot of windmills)...

***

please, everyone. no matter how desperate things get in the next few years, please remember to keep your cool. be kind and be human. this will be our only way to combat the effects of "economic" global warming...