i had a dream in which lindsey lohan, in the midst of her downward spiralling career, decided to hold an impromptu concert in the middle of the culdesac of my old house in mililani, aohoku place was its name. and nobody came. sure, there were a few people, lost and curious, but for the most part, she stood on her made-up stage and sang to asphalt, her voice echoing off the facades of suburban houses.
my brother and i decided to drive off somewhere, so we backed out of the garage (awkwardly avoiding the little stage, trying unsuccessfully to be inconspicuous, both to the sparse audience and the struggling lohan). as we passed, i glanced up hesitantly at the singer/actress/addict on the stage. her eyes were desperate and wide above the mouth that shaped lyrics she no longer knew the meaning for. and as we slowly made our way out of the culdesac, i was shocked (or, maybe not) to see her leave the stage, running beside our car, pleading with me and my brother to not leave...
and i was frankly sympathetic.
but i wasn't driving the car. and we left her there, standing at the mouth of the culdesac, her frail rehab-thin body growing ever smaller in the rear view mirror...
"just leave," i whispered into the image, just before we turned a corner, and eclisped her from view...
and i didn't mean, go away. i meant, just alight, just launch off, like a bird on a migratory path, like the golden plovers we see here in hawaii during the winter, that disappear into the sky and beyond the sea the rest of the year... just leave. don't stay here like a caged canary in a stupid culdesac. forget the career, forget everything, forget yourself. if there's one thing about life, it's that there's always always a way out, always a change to become. you don't have to be stuck playing the game...
and then i woke up.
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