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people are nice. my ea bought me breakfast, and my other ea got my a present. and then, when the kids found out that it was my birthday, then they (or a few of them anyway) tried to draw birthday cards or birthday pictures. one of them said "happy birthday mr. otaka, the best teacher EVER!" i joked (not to the student, of course) that the candles of the birthday cake were actually the hands of the teachers i had killed to become the best... okay, that was rude... but really, those candles really did look like hands! in any case, it was touching. a kind of validation, if nothing else.
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nobody really likes to listen to my writing. at least no one in my vicinity. my wife doesn't like to sit and listen to it. it's okay, she's really stressed with a lot of other things anyway. i guess the problem i have is that i'm starting to struggle with the plot, and at such times, i feel like it would be nice to hear some feedback, as my perspective is so myopic and detail-oriented, that i can no longer understand the perspective of a reader...
at times, i feel like fat charlie in neil gaiman's anansi boys, which i am currently reading. he has a brother spider who can charm the pants off (literally) anyone. but when fat charlie speaks, in less than a sentence, people tune him out. nobody's listening. i feel like that at times. i often wonder how my students tolerate me, if i have this effect on everyone, of turning off their interest so dramatically...
i think maybe my only redeeming factor is that i try to care. i'll do whatever i need to to support my students... i went out to the basketball courts twice today, with the metal hoop, and the thing to put the hoop on, so that my restless adhd students, who had finished the work i had set out for them, could stop bouncing off the walls... they had already tried (and exhausted) the bored games i had brought to school for them... so i played "pig" and then "horse" with one of my students... little moments like that, i enjoy. and i hope the kids enjoy that too. and maybe those little things are what redeem me.
i care deeply about "moving" or "pushing" my students. i wish that they could master the skills i teach them, so that they can see the world with clearer eyes. i wish to change the trajectory of their lives for the better... maybe i fail at that, gravity is so powerful, but if nothing else, i want them to have enjoyed their upper elementary years, i want them to have felt as though they were validated as people, and that someone cared for their futures...
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i really enjoy chopin's fantasie impromptu. it's the piece i'm learning to play. i'm at the end of the fourth page, where it changes from this "agitato" frantic thing into something more loping and beautiful...
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okay, i'm fading into oblivion. i need to do a lot of work tonight, work that i'm so putting off. i have a big day tomorrow. at the end of tomorrow, i'll have done all my reevals... and then all i have left for the year are a couple of ieps, and a couple of transition meetings... and this long year will be over as far as my legal responsibilities... then it will just be the daily grind of the teaching... so, i've got to get on to other forms of procrastination... seeya!
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