i have been sleeping a lot lately.  not sure why.  i don't feel particularly depressed, or rather, i am not conscious of feeling particularly sad or down.  but physically, i just feel a sort of exhaustion that simply doesn't go away.  after i come home from work, i sort of drift in and out of consciousness for the first few hours until dinner, and not long after that meal, i commit myself to oblivion...  no dreams in particular rise with me, but an occasional restlessness pursues me into waking... though not with the urgency to combat the lethargy, which inevitably pulls me back again...

i've tried to spin it into a positive.  something about listening to the 10 ton bear inside of me.  i do think that i have something like a 10 ton bear within me.  it's big and heavy.  not particularly mean.  but given its size, and strength, well, when it really wants something, it gets what it wants.  most of the time, i live my life in a kind of fiction of groundless ambition, trying to do the impossible.  the bear reminds me, on occasion, that it needs respect too, and fuck the stupid dreams and projects...  there's something liberating, ironically, about having that bear sit on my chest, and force me to hibernate with it...  something akin to discovering, and being one with, the lapping of the sea.

well, speak of the devil.  the bear, the ocean, the drowning sleep, she calls.  good night losers.