this morning, i woke with an insight of sorts. a deep calm filled me, and i thought that no matter what the world threw at me, i would be unperturbed. zen masters never feared death, or the end of the world. they had so thorough an experience of selfhood/emptiness that nothing could disturb them. their eyes open, breath flowing. i felt that, or thought i did, in the face of potential stress. concerns flitted through my mind like butterflies or dust motes. but i was in my own skin, in my own delicious space, and even if the world came crashing in on me, i would still be- this. this experiencing. this- thing...

the world is an impossibility. but yet it is. i am a miracle. i cannot understand myself, and i cannot capture my experience of time and space. but yet i/it all happens nevertheless. everything is an incomprehensible dance. we can't know the full rhythm, or when the chorus happens, or what the lyrics are saying. we just move to it all, whether we want to or not, whether we know what we're doing, or are just reacting. it all happens. i felt that this morning, and i felt alright with that...