Idea 1: Kipapa requires a massive overhaul...
a) Writing from the perspective of dead Hawaiian ghosts is difficult. I don't know Hawaiian, don't know Hawaiian culture, don't know squat. So to write from the perspective of O'okele (sounds close to Okolele) feels either like a lie, or (to cover up for the lie) too general and nonspecific to be "tellable-rich". Instead: incorporate the perspective of O'okele as a dream, a recurring dream that haunts Cliff... See next!
b) It would be a shame to have a story about Night Marchers and not have a frightening direct encounter with them... I mean, come on! And it just sounds so intriguing, that the only way to avoid "disappearing" with them is to 1) NOT look them in the eye; 2) [I SWEAR I've heard this] strip naked and lie prone; and 3) in any case, try to stay off their path!!! So I was thinking: Cliff and Erica happen to be in Kipapa, and for some reason or other get stuck there when the Night Marchers come; Cliff, in desperation, tears Erica's clothes off (at least her top) and throws her down; but he himself LOOKS at the Night Marchers as they approach... YET, for some reason, he is spared. (Another thing I've heard about Night Marchers: the only way you could possibly be spared if you DID look at them was that one of the spirits was an ancestor of your's). Cliff survives, Erica survives, although it is definitely a traumatic experience for the both of them... Afterwards, Cliff has the recurring "dreams", presumably of the ancestor that "saved" him...
The trouble with this is positioning: should the encounter with the Night Marchers happen at the start of the story, sort of like this trauma that inevitably forces Cliff and Erica together? Or should it be later, like the disaster that it is?
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