Dorkus Malorkus; Memories of Eve

I was recalling my first infatuation in college. Her name was Eve (I won't mention her last name). I saw her in the upperclass facebook (she was a year above me), and was instantly intrigued. She had that mysterious hapa look, actually reminiscent of Bjork (yeah, sure, wierd singer, etc., but you can't deny her dangerous passion). In the picture, black and white, she was in profile, in front of some brick wall. She looked like she was hurrying somewhere, and it was like you were rushing next to her, trying to keep up, and you said something somewhat provocative, and she turned just enough to grant you a flash of those eyes, eyes that were sharp as knives, and as reflective as the moon...

I lived in the Fayerweather dormitory, somewhere in the southeastern corner of the college. I had a room of my own (although there was a door to my next door neighbors, good friends); my window opened out onto the quad, and across the green lawn and the large oak (?) trees was another dormitory with windows in odd places, and it was there that I knew she lived. Once I caught a glimpse of a couple having shameless hedonistic sex in full view, and for some reason, imagined it was her...

Occasionally, I would catch glimpses of Eve at the dining hall, always tagged by some guy with sloppy bleached white hair and goth dress and those square rimmed glasses, who looked like he could pass for a singer in New Order or Depeche Mode... Sometimes I tried to get close enough to "eve's drop" on her conversations... There was always laughter, always a lot of it... Confident, clear.

One evening, I got up enough guts to call her up. Got her answering machine. On it, her laughing full-bodied voice: "Pointy birds, pointy pointy; anoint my head, anointy nointy..." I gulped at the beep, actually left a message, and (stupidly) gave my FULL NAME. Said something like, "Hey, uh, you don't know me, my name's Randy Otaka, but I was wondering if you'd like to, uh, I don't know, hang out or something. You can give me a call sometime if you're interested. My number's ..."

Jeez, what an idiot. I think there was an underground rumor about me after that. Years later, one day, unexpectedly, it surfaced, when someone actually used my name, my FULL NAME, as some kind of insult... Like, "Jeez, you just did a Randy Otaka." It was pretty mortifying stuff...

Relationships are not nice. At least not the kind where there's no equal playing field... It makes you want to stay in your own respective orbit, even if you know you'll be in aphelion near forever, deep in the shadows and the cold and the ice.

Oblivion sometimes is nice, if only you could forget yourself too.