Hello Blogosphere! Lost?

Hi there, whoever you are.

I'm not sure how you wound up here, but since you've gone through the trouble of stepping through the threshold, you might as well take a brief look around, before deciding (with a scream, perhaps) that you're decidedly NOT in Kansas any more...

... or maybe you are.

The name of this blog is Marsilani, also the name of a collection of short stories that I once intended to publish but likely never will. This collection of short stories was to focus primarily upon my experiences growing up in Mililani, which is Hawaii's best approximation for suburban existence. I called it Marsilani because, first of all, Mililani's single distinctive feature used to be its red, ferrous-rich, Martian-hued soil. But the name was meant to convey and connote more than this. I wanted to capture some of the strangeness and alienation I experienced (or, perhaps, pretended to experience) growing up in Mililani, and Mars (via Martians, the stereotypical aliens) seemed the perfect symbolic vehicle for this. Not to mention the fact that Mars is the God of War, and, while not apparently so, Mililani's calm suburban facade concealed an endless seething sea of unresolvable conflicts...

So, anyway, I wrote quite a few of the stories and poems I intended to fill this collection with, and then I sort of lost my groove. There were a lot of reasons for this. First, I am quite normally a brutal and unforgiving critic of my own work. It doesn't take long for the weak creative demiurge within me, the blind and world-forming passion, to be hacked away at mercilessly by my own natural editing proclivities.

Second, I received NO real feedback from anyone. Sure, a couple of my stories won some measure of praise from Honolulu Magazine (WHEN THEY STILL HAD THEIR ANNUAL SHORT FICTION CONTEST), but as far as that, who cares? Bamboo Ridge Press, which I hold a minor grudge towards (for reasons I may articulate later, but most likely because I'm just an arrogant SOB) never even looked at a lengthy prose and poetry submission I'd sent them... AFTER ALMOST A YEAR. (No bitterness there.)

And third, well, I just lost a feeling for the work. I lost my soul, you might say. Without touching upon what the truth is, what the real message is, well, all I had were fragments of empty symbols, referring back and reinforcing each other, but lacking backbone, and most of all the MEAT that could qualify it as a truly living and alive piece of work.

So, anyway, my natural negativity, lack of feedback, and loss of "soul" or "inspiration," well, these things and others basically set up the conditions for everything to fizzle out, if not downright implode.

That brings us to this blog. To the purpose of it, which I am trying to figure out myself...

Again, I don't know what brought you here, but whether you even ARE here or not, this new medium, this "blog" thingie, well, it affords me the opportunity to write AS THOUGH someone (like you) gave enough of a damn to sit down and read this. So, whoever you are, whether you exist or not, whatever motivations you came here with, it is primarily I who am using YOU, as the fictitious audience for me, "your" captive performer...

Maybe in the process, there can be some fictitious exchange; maybe you'll get something back in return, some "interest" out of your "investment." But make no mistake. I write this for the selfish purpose of pretending an audience...

I think I will utilize this blog as a cross between a journal, a workspace, and a space to "publish" works in progress and works "out of progress."

Please feel free to comment. Believe me, you can't be as harsh as I can be.

And thanks for stopping by, no matter how fleeting your visit.