barf barf!

i am so burnt out right now, it's not even funny. i honestly feel no inclination to go into clinic this morning. however, there is a particular patient who is really counting on seeing me, and i can't disappoint. and i suppose the interns need me too, although i often wonder whether they wouldn't be better off without my "guidance." i'm frankly tired of "clinic supervisor guidance," which is this strange mix of "what I would personally do" and "what is theoretically appropriate" and "what the intern wants to do." i suppose i've been pretty "hands off," kind of a liberal teacher, but maybe that's led to things sometimes being somewhat messy...

there are a couple of things i really want to, need to, do, but i haven't the time. the first is write. i have been sneaking in writing in the "empty spaces," but it's just not enough. i would like a long stretch of time just to do this, just to finish marsilani for once and for all. funny thing is, the more i write, the longer the project becomes... but i just have a vision of it being all bound up and ready to be thrown at the world like a pie. or like fresh vomitus...

i am also inspired by my SPED class. funny, i get inspired by this class most of all to really plan my course as a teacher... it gets me to thinking about how to improve the school (acupuncture), and also how i would perform as a secondary english teacher (if that eventuality ever came to pass). we've been looking at some effective schools, schools that have a coherent and positive philosophy, schools that dare to adopt the philosophy of inclusion that is so often given lip service, but only grudgingly complied with... and it really inspires me. how could i/we do that? one thing is for certain, it takes a large amount of reflection and planning. which i would like to do, if i had the time.

projects i am considering include an H.E.R.B.S. project, something to make studying and remembering herbs easier... haven't thought of a real mnemonic yet for that one. here's what the acronym tentatively means (don't laugh): How Easy Remembering Be! Simple! (groan). both grammatically incorrect and pointless (no relation to specifics of herbs).

also revamping, reorganizing the whole clinical process. both for myself and for the school. i tend to have somewhat inchoate goals with regards to patients, hypotheses i formulate while working on them (a lot of times particularly with bodywork). i think i could streamline the process such that i come to the right conclusions sooner, instead of "ruling things out" through habitual rote thinking...

i want to do a parkinson's trial research project with the school clinic, but haven't the time to go over how this would be done (or even if it's desirable). honestly, parkinson's is one of those conditions that are difficult to treat. i mean, we talk about "internal liver wind causing tremors" etc. but i have to say that i am more of a westerner with regards to the etiology and prognosis of the condition: i.e. dysfunctions of the substantia nigra resulting in impaired dopamine production, uptake. in the clinic, we had some really good results on a patient who resembled parkinson's, but was diagnosed with dystonia; however, after a recent mri, things seemed to have stumbled a bit... i am hoping to "get things back on track" with him, so that we can see his smiling optimistic self again.

i wish i wish i wish there was more time. and that i had more energy and discipline to "stay on task!"

willow and aiden are great, they are a source of joy to me. for violin, willow's getting good with her bowing, but she still strays into the "black area" where the bow shouldn't go. and it's still hard to play on only one string, the D string in particular. and she's supposed to finger notes just by muscle memory!?? for me, that's crazy amazing... at least guitars have struts (is that what those are called?) aiden's more motivated about violin, but he still has a hard time holding the bow properly. for both willow and aiden i think i need to get colored stickers...