5:00

this morning, i had an odd dream... in the first segment (the first that i can remember), i was in some sort of garage, an open-air sort of garage, like the kind automechanics have. across the way, beyond some kind of accordion metal gate, was another garage, where some rock band was playing. there were a bunch of people in the garage i was in, and some of them were muttering complaints about how the band shouldn't be playing so loud, or something to that effect... in any case, i walked out of that plotline casually, in the way that you can only in dreams, and then found myself in another garage, only it was a personal garage, at someone's home. this garage was largely dominated by two large vehicles, sliced open to expose only the bottom half. i say they were vehicles, because they were in the garage, but in actuality, they were simply open rusty receptacles, with no identifiable parts, especially nowhere to sit, nowhere to drive, etc. i was talking to some filipino woman, a mother, and it seemed as though i were trying to convince her of something, perhaps sell her something. in any case, at one point, she mentioned something like, "what a work of art," and when i looked up to see what she was talking about, my eyes drifted over her two daughters, who just magically appeared out of nowhere. the daughters were naked, and i noticed, in my quick averting glance, that one was just pubescent, and both had intricate tattoos on their arms and upper back. when i turned back to the woman, i noticed that she too was naked. my eyes drifted over to the metal vehicles, and i discovered that in the empty shells, there was water, and varieties of fish swimming in different sections. i noticed in one section, there were large goldfish, with brilliant phosphorescent orange heads the size and texture of real oranges...

i reappeared in the old open air garage. this time, the rock star, the head guitarist of the band i had seen across the way, was walking into our garage. i recall wanting to say something to him, to say how cool i thought he was, but shyness and reticence prevented me. next thing i knew, this punky looking girl with short hair and short denim shorts patted the recliner next to her, inviting me to have a seat. i did so, and then she was all over me, mussing up my hair, pushing her small breasts into my face... "which do you like better, sitting on, or being sat on?" i was thoroughly confused, especially in the blur of sensations she was imposing upon me. "both?" i answered, confused. she laughed at that, and i thought for a moment how odd (though not impossible) it was for the male to "sit on" in sexual positions... "come on, it's multiple choice," she continued, "which position do you prefer?" at my hesitation, she said, "i hope, mr. teacher, that your answer's not none of the above." i laughed a bit at that, and came up with what i thought was a clever rejoinder: "yeah, i know how much you like to be on top."

all of a sudden, my hand drifted into view, and i wore upon it my wedding ring. i suddenly realized that there was someone else whom i was sworn to. "i- can't," i muttered sheepishly, gently pushing the girl away. "what?" she said, sounding betrayed. "why not?" "well, for one thing, this," i said, holding up my ringed finger...

and then i woke up...

***

i had a dim thought of inertia and momentum in dreams, and how in some dreams you are not so much a participant as an observer of actions long set into motion by some unseen hand, and in others, you are the center of the dream, turning it as you will. i thought about how the difference between one and the other is a matter of accretion, of accumulation, and perhaps a certain kind of blindness. sight, after all, is strangely but truly an inverse of power and volition. those who look before they leap perhaps never leap at all. and those who leap perhaps reach the other side precisely because they never saw it.