monday's funeral was wonderful, if such a thing may be said. there was a pretty big turnout. and i got to sit next to both my brother and sister. it's funny how only at times like that, family comes together. it is only when wounds appear that everyone comes together to pretend the gaps can close...

when our family went up to offer flowers to my grandmother's spirit, there was an awkwardness. my mother, being the eldest daughter, was called up first. or rather, her family was. i'm a part of her family, but i have a family as well. and besides that, my sister's kids live with my parents, and they consider themselves a part of my mother's immediate family as well. so we basically had a bunch of people getting flowers to offer, with no clear idea about who should go first, or who should wait for whom. what eventually happened was my mother's family (including me) went up first, in straggling pieces- one cool moment was when my brother and i offered up our flowers and prayers side by side- and then i went up again, with my own family. i had to help aiden clap four times, as is the tradition.

the slideshow was a success, although i had to set everything up, and keep everything set up throughout the entire proceedings. that made greeting people pretty awkward. the mourners would come up to offer their condolences, but when they got to me and my sister, a lot of them looked at the equipment (on a piano bench) and simply bypassed us and moved on. i have a fundamental insecurity about these issues, but it sometimes seemed like people recognized my older brother as the "honored one," and shook hands with him- but they instantly perceived that i (and my sister) weren't quite worthy of any condolences. but then again, that's just me.

i didn't know a lot of the people. my grandmother sure touched a lot of people's lives.

there were actually four eulogies, delivered by my cousin dana, my uncle masao, my brother dean, and me. i think the best by far (and perhaps the most unexpected) was my uncle's. my uncle masao, a bachelor, probably knew my grandmother the best. even though he lives in downtown, and doesn't own a car himself (although he is a perfectly capable driver), he would catch the bus down to ewa beach about two or three times a week to water the plants, and check on my grandma. he was her personal assistant and chauffer. he would take her to the monthly services over at the aloha kyokai in waipahu. sometimes i attended those services as well.

let me tell you a bit about my uncle. he is one of the most cynical people around, or he can seem to be. you have to look underneath the surface, or perhaps look at his actions, to understand what a truly compassionate person he is. anyway, sometimes when i'd listen to the way my uncle talked to my grandmother, i would wince. and sometimes i would laugh.

i would go to the monthly service at aloha kyokai and sit somewhere near the rear, next to my uncle. and all throughout the service, he would badmouth the religion, or complain (half-humorously) about my grandma... OUT LOUD. the other people in attendance were probably already used to my uncle's crass statements, but i kinda felt a mix of embarrassment and amusement at it all.

so when my uncle VOLUNTEERED to deliver a eulogy, it came as something of a shock. when he went up to speak, he certainly didn't disappoint. on the one hand, he spoke with brutal honesty about some of my grandma's ways: he used words like "annoying" and "outspoken," and i felt myself laughing and crying all at once, despite myself. but the bottom line, he said, was that my grandma was a truly sincere, positive force in the world, and he would really miss her. coming from my uncle, that was a truly heart-wrenching statement.

i was worried that my eulogy would run too long, but somehow it didn't. i was also worried that i would sound either completely emotionless, or i would break down to unintelligible sobs (that actually happened, unexpectedly, when i did a read-through with my wife). but neither happened. i managed to speak loudly, and keep it together. and at certain points near the end, i started to break down, but not enough to lose it completely.

i think it was well-received. in any case, i know it was well-received by the person who counted, my grandmother. my words were directed to her.

***

the past few days have been hard. i caught a cold, and have been struggling to complete a couple of killer projects for my courses. i feel numb inside, and i have this tremendous inertia; in fact, i feel like a boulder. there are many times when i understand that i just can't get to work, just can't do things in a "responsible" manner; and then, when it comes down to it, when i absolutely have to do something, i have this juggernaut-like persistence that actually comes through. i like to think that i'm "guided," or at the very least, that i understand myself and my "fate" enough to be patient, and not apply force to myself when and where it would do the least good. i like to think that i am procrastinating because it is the most efficient way i could use my time, given the state of my emotions. but whatever. i accept myself the way i am right now, and function accordingly. no complaints. but some small panic.


***

today, i created a "manipulative" to teach phonemic blending and segmentation. for those of you who don't know, phonemic blending and segmentation is a fundamental skill, usually (or ideally) taught in preschool or kindergarten, to help kids to begin to decode text and start to read words. phonemes are the basic sound units of language. kids learn, for example, that the letter "b" makes the /b/ sound (i can't depict sounds, so convention dictates that i use the diagonal slashes). phonemic blending and segmentation builds on the foundation of the awareness of the phonemes of individual letters. with blending, kids attempt to combine individual sounds to form simple words. with segmentation, kids attempt to "break apart" the sounds of words into their component phonemes.

it might not seem important, but phonemic blending/segmentation has been studied extensively, and has been found to be a key determinant in the eventual reading success of a child. that was why i decided to focus on this skill with my preschool class.

one of the greatest difficulties i have had with the whole notion of phonemic blending/segmentation is that it is primarily an intangible process of sound manipulation. how do you "explain" such a concept to a child, especially when their language is not sufficiently developed? following principles of special education, i decided to create some kind of manipulative to make the whole phonemic blending/segmentation process far more tangible. i initially thought of using alphabet blocks, but alphabet blocks don't CONNECT or SEPARATE, so they wouldn't really illustrate the key idea i was trying to convey. eventually, i thought of using lego blocks, particularly duplo lego blocks (the largish ones), with individual letters written on the sides.

last night, after picking aiden up, i went to toys-r-us to buy a box of duplo blocks. i wish that you could hand pick the kind and color of blocks in a set, but you can't. it would have been ideal if i could use one color for vowels, and another for consonants. but i wasn't about to buy two boxes for this lesson; too rich for my blood.

i tested out my manipulative on one student this morning. they seemed to work REALLY well (or maybe the student was dead spot on). he was able to form words and break words apart into component sounds (i had him SAY the sounds as he touched the blocks). the one disadvantage was that, in a way, the lego blocks were TOO fun; sometimes he wanted to play with them in more conventional ways.

as far as assessment and tangible student-made product, this is what i did: i drew a picture in front of the student (students LOVE when you draw in front of them; they like to "discover" the image as you produce it). for example, i drew a picture of a bat. then, i had the student use post-it notes with the appropriate letters printed on them, and had him "create" the word for that picture. the student was able to do this with remarkable ease for 4 pictures.

i also recorded the student's voice on my mac (using garage band) so that i could analyze his pronunciation of the phonemes, and recheck my results.

all in all, it was a good lesson.

i believe that all parents should do such activities with their children (for that matter, I should, with aiden). maybe i will post up detailed instructions for how to conduct the phoneme blending/segmentation lessons i have created...

***

at the same time, i have been doing a behavioral modification project for one of the "problem" students in the class. that seems to be going okay, at least for the time period during which i conduct observation and interventions. i am using a dra procedure (differential reinforcement of alternative behavior), which is a fancy way of saying that i reward the child for doing one specific (good) behavior, and don't reward him if he does something else. as far as the observation scheme (i may be using incorrect terminology), i use randomized time sampling. i went to random.org to generate a list of random numbers in the range of 1 to 7. i set my handy portable kitchen timer to the first number in the list. when the timer goes off, i check to see if my kid is performing the good behavior or doing something else; if the former, then he is rewarded (unfortunately, he chose skittles as his preferred reward).

he is doing better during morning sessions. not only is his specific bad behavior reduced to nothing, but he is also participating more actively in the morning session activities.

***

but i am sick, and i am tired. although (deep down) i am enjoying what i do, i can't wait for the semester (and all of its hanging dreadful deadlines) to be over with.

i need to finish marsilani (the first story has been proceeding slowly but surely!). i think i will post the tentative ending of "amphibious: brother's keeper," a story that i have been reworking IN REVERSE (never let it be said that you can't write a story from the end back). i know, you may not know what it's about, but read it anyway, let me know what you think...