Friday, November 30, 2007

Deidara


This halloween, I tried to dress up as Deidara (^), from Naruto.

Deidara is a member of Akatsuki, which in the Narutoverse is a criminal organization. All Akatsuki members (of which there are nine known, at least as of now) wear these black cloaks with red clouds on them. The Akatsuki members usually move in pairs.

My favorite character, Deidara, comes from the Hidden Boulder village. He has mouths on both hands (and a hidden mouth on his chest). He always carries a pouch filled with clay (of the C3 C4 variety). He is able to shape that clay into any form that he wishes, by using the mouths on his hands to "chew" the clay and spit it out into a finished form. He fashions spiders, birds, anything. The shaped clay is able to move, fly, whatever, and explode either when contacting a target, or when Deidara makes a hand symbol ("Katsu!").

Deidara considers himself an artist. His partner (former) was named Sasori, and was also an artist, in his own fashion. Sasori was a master puppeteer. He created deadly puppets, and considered each creation an "exercise in eternity," in staving off the effects of time. Sasori, in fact, became a puppet himself, immortal, with only his heart serving as a remnant of his mortal body, only his heart pulling the strings.

While Sasori considered art a striving for eternity, Deidara, by contrast, repeatedly states, "ART IS A BANG!" A fleeting, and terribly explosive, act. In fact, Deidara's objective, if anything, is to (literally) create an impression...

I appreciate the desperation in Deidara. Art is a terribly desperate thing. Without it, we implode. The nothing that is outside puts a steady and sometimes overwhelming pressure on the fragile world we contain within us. Sometimes it is only by means of a desperate "explosion," a "BANG," that we are able to assert our perspective on the world.

(Not that I'm going to be the next UNA bomber, or anything...)



2 + 2 = 5

Lyrics to one of my current favorite Radiohead songs, from "Hail to the Thief." Might seem confusing, but it's supposed to be based upon Orwell's "1984." 2 + 2 = 5 is a nonsensical statement, as is "January has April's Showers." The song outlines the struggle of individual (and rational) thought when pitted against the Mis-information of a subversive totalitarian regime... The middle section (which totally rips, BTW) where "You have not been paying attention" repeats over and over and over, represents the impossible task of being vigilant against Big Brother... And in the final section, in which statements and assertions are repeatedly negated (I'm NOT), the singer/protagonist eventually capitulates, becomes muddled, confused, ambiguous, and vulnerable... "MAYBE not."

It was (and is often) thought that Thom Yorke intended this song as a critique of the Bush administration, something which he denies... Nevertheless, the lyric, "Hail to the Thief" tempts this assertion.

2+2=5
(We're on. Thats a nice way to start Jonny)
Are you such a dreamer
To put the world to rights?
I'll stay home forever
Where two and two always makes a five

I'll lay down the tracks
Sandbag and hide (oil?)
January has April's showers
And two and two always makes a five

It's the devil's way now
There is no way out
You can SCREAM and you can shout
It is too late now
Because...

You have not been!Payin' attentionPayin' attentionPayin' attentionPayin' attention
You have not been paying attentionPayin' attentionPayin' attentionPayin' attention
You have not been paying attentionPayin' attentionPayin' attentionPayin' attention
You have not been paying attentionPayin' attentionPayin' attentionPayin' attention

oohh
I try to sing along
But the music's all wrong'
Cause I’m not
'Cause I’m not
I swat 'em like flies
but like flies the buggers keep coming back NOT
But I’m not
All hail to the thief
All hail to the thief
But I'm not. But I'm not. But I'm not. But I'm not.
Don't question my authority
or put me in the box
'Cause I'm not. 'Cause I'm not,
Oh go and tell the king that the sky is falling in
When it's not. But it's not. But it's not.
Maybe not
Maybe NOT!

On Writing

Been taking a break from the aggressive story/poetry writing... In lieu of this, I have been reading an excellent guide on fiction writing. It is called the "Modern Library Writer's Workshop" by Stephen Koch. It's a book about the process of writing, how writers do what they do... It is supported by an unbelievable amount of research, the writing process as described by the writers themselves (or their reluctant family and friends). Vladimir Nabokov, Toni Morisson, Stephen King, Charles Dickens...

The insights of this book are great. I'd recommend it to anyone trying to write short fiction or novels.

Previously, I felt that "Writing Down the Bones" was the best guide. But that book is essentially about free-writing, and bypassing the internal censor. Important stuff, but that hardly gets you to the nitty gritty of PLOT, CHARACTER, etcetera... It could be sufficient if you are trying to find seeds for POETRY. But for prose, you need a minimum of structure and organization, and for that, you can't just "stream-of-consciousness" your way through.

Some valuable insights:
*(From the cover): "Make [your] characters want something right away- even if it's only a glass of water. Characters paralyzed by the meaninglessness of modern life still have to drink water from time to time." -Kurt Vonnegut

*Stories are basically about conflict. Characters should be forcefully flung into conflict, not lollygag about as "innocent bystanders." There is nothing "innocent" in a story, nor should anything "stand by." Conflict, conflict, conflict.

*A basic problem of all memoir type/autobiographical type "fiction" is, paradoxically, not that the narrative is too self-absorbed. Quite the opposite. The author often hasn't developed the character of the self enough in the story, such that he/she becomes thoroughly ambigious (read:boring), and thus so does the entire story itself, of which s/he is the (absent) center.

Welcome Back: About the TEST

Yeah, I've been out for a while... Turns out my router (whatever that is) blew out, so even though Roadrunner's been fine, my PC couldn't connect (if you can't tell, taking two weeks to figure this out = me, technologically challenged).

Last I wrote, I was anxious about the PRAXIS II test... Shoot. The first section was, if not exactly a breeze, well, it was something requiring just a bit of effort, like- well, like a fart. A fart you try to squeeze out in a really crowded and really quiet room, a fart that you surreptitiously pass (as through a teeny tiny straw) silently, and then look on as though nothing were the matter... What's that smell? Why, 'tain't me... Yes, I got away with that first section, squeaky clean, if not entirely odorless... After all, multiple choice questions are no big thing. You just fill them in in a zigzag pattern, and you're bound to hit something right! Right?

The second section was, for the most part, fun. 4 essay questions in 2 hours... I bypassed the whole outlining and organizational procedures and tore right into my written answers... What were the questions? Well, it's been over two weeks... But:

question 1 had to do with some poem by some lady... Can't recall. It was about earthquakes or something or other, earthquakes being the metaphor for the relationship between mothers and daughters... and fathers being surreptitiously injected into the poem as a symbol of the interface between mothers and daughters- like, sometimes the relationship is like rubbing your hand over the stubble of the chin of a father, something like that. It was actually fun analyzing it.

question 2 had to do with some prose by some dude... Again, can't recall... It was the introductory paragraphs to some short story. Descriptions of some grape farm. Shrouded in mist. And everything was passive, quiet, waiting... EXCEPT the mrs. farmer what's her name. She's described as this almost masculine active figure... So, we had to talk about how the author (Mr. what's his ass) utilized setting and character descriptions to introduce this character (Mrs. I'm wearing the pants i
n this household).

question 3... not prose, precisely, but some passage ABOUT writing, written by, well, some writer. Mr. nobody's heard of him yet. He described writing as walking a tightrope, no net. He had this real attitude. Like, I don't give a s**t what you critics think, I'm going to bare my ass to you all (while walking this tightrope) and defecate, and that's art, and who cares if you don't appreciate me "raining on your parade and all..." He was kind of funny... So for this question, we were supposed to analyze the changing metaphors this dude used for his writing process, talk about what it meant and all...

question 4... aye, there's the rub. We had a list of literature to choose from. And we had to choose two to support this argument that the significance of any given piece of literature is heavily dependent upon its historical context... Trouble was, I didn't know or remember any of the stories listed! Goody-goody Amy Tan's "Joy Luck Club" was on the list, as was Hawthorne's "Scarlet Letter." Also, "Grapes of Wrath." Guess what? I NEVER READ THEM. But I BSed the best I could... With information gleaned from SECTION I of the test (oh clever clever), I was able to figure out bits and pieces of Hawthorne's book... And, oh yeah, I saw "Joy Luck Club" (chick-flick time with Lynn)... Something about Chinese American second generation existential angst...

Needless to say, question 4 was DA BOMB. And I mean that in the worst possible sense. My mind, by that time, was fried. Not up to its usual nimble BSing potential... I think I repeated the same sentence over and over when discussing "specifics of the texts." What a joke. Well, true to form, at least my beginning and ending was pretty decent.

...well, great to be back.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

blurts on time, faith, mountain dew.

There is a wind outside that is restless, and stirs.

I am tired, but I suffer the giddy anxiety of a test that I am ill prepared for, one that I will have to rely on wits and, more importantly, luck to pass. It's the same feeling I had when in college, and Mountain Dew actually worked to keep me up and studying all night (although the buzzy state of mind I'd be in the next day wasn't exactly conducive to lucid thought).

I wonder what I am doing, where I am going... Can I really pass this test? And even if I do, can I afford to go to school, for another stupid degree? And if I do, and if I get a job teaching, can I really do it? Do it well? And if I do it, can I manage everything else in my life appropriately (particularly raising Willow and Aiden), or will I perform this stutter-step dance through it all, same way that I "studied" for this upcoming test? Confronting waterfalls only when one foot has already slipped off the brink...

... a digression here...

In life, there are so many wants, but truly, time is limited. Time, and its physical, embodied expression within human flesh, attention. I heard someone say that Love IS attention... And if this is so, then it puts a natural limitation on what a person may love in life. For attention requires time, and time, as I stated, is limited. Well, not time itself, but MY time, the time that I have, the endurance I may maintain, my patience... We are finite beings, and (perhaps by definition of finitude) this limitation is most evident with regards to TIME. How much can one take, how much can one give... capacities limited most prominently by time.

If you love something, you must devote time to it, and therein lies the crux... For we live in a world of endless opportunity, in fact, opportunity is always exploding in our eyes, our ears...

... another (dangerous) digression...

When I was a little younger (and don't get me wrong, it's not as though this danger is beyond me), the attraction and fascination of other LIVES (not to mention other faces, other BODIES) was devastating, destructive... I think, if I were a normal "red-blooded" male, I would have succumbed to temptation long ago... if not for several key "genetic abberations": 1) I am a social blockhead, and can neither read nor send "signals"; and 2) I am stupidly (but with Lynn, fortunately) faithful, like a dog (BTW, the whole "faithful dog" thing's a myth; you can command loyalty of a dog within a week after its old owner's death, if you have enough steaks handy. Same with men? Same with ME?).

...but back to the issue of time. I am grateful to be with Lynn, because it frees me, paradoxically by focusing me... So much time would be wasted if we just kept looking at all the open doors and windows for the right framed scenery... You can only live in one room, you see, and you can only look at the world through one windowframe... The fear that you are missing out, that there is a better place, a better view, well, some of it may be true, but mostly it's just that which consoles the lost and the damned and the loveless... I should know, because, for a long time (up until Lynn) that's exactly what I was, lost, damned... Mewling like a kitten for some affection... Not realizing how (simultaneously) ordinary and wonderful love actually could be.

... Speaking of time. I have to get up at 6. I just needed to kill some, to get me tired... THIS IS NOT WORKING. Oh well, good night.

Friday, November 16, 2007

PRAXIS II!!!

Tomorrow, I will be taking the Praxis II English test. It's divided into two parts (at least the sections that I will be taking). Part I is 120 multiple choice questions, and Part II consists of 4 essay questions...

WISH ME LUCK!!!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Mad Libs

In preparation for the upcoming PRAXIS II exam on English Content (I am a religion major, after all, not an English major), I have been studying a bit of grammar. Bought two books, one called (appropriately for me) Grammar Sucks! and the other, the recently popular "Eats, Shoots and Leaves."

I've also been reading a book called "The Passionate Teacher," all about teaching strategies that foster student driven projects and independent critical thinking. One idea for a project for students to learn the basics of grammar is to have them construct and then fill out a Mad Libs- you know, those quirky little books from when we were kids, the ones that required you to fill in "Nouns", "Pronouns," "Adjectives," etc. into a passage, and then read the ridiculous outcome... By having students construct a Mad Libs- perhaps they could get an article, progressively remove word classes that I assign them to (like Nouns, for example), and then have another group of students "fill out" the Mad Libs. It's an exercise in grammar for both the students as they construct the puzzles, and for the students as they fill them in. And the often silly outcome makes the project entertaining. Imagine that! Grammar, entertaining?!

... but jeez, I am tired. The test will be demanding, and I haven't invested much time studying... Looks like I will be winging it, for the most part. The part that I really dread is the Essay section. 4 questions, 30 minutes apiece, on various topics. Analysis of a prose piece, analysis of a poetry piece, something else... But then again, I like a challenge. And I miss the essay exams from my college days- now THOSE were real terrors!