dream, 6/6/2021

this was a morning dream. meaning, i had already woken up once, but still in that sleepy grip, lapsed back off again while the sun was already up. i dreamt i was back in williams, but again, a williams i would say i had a hard time recognizing, or navigating through. i supposedly had a beautiful room, in one of the "wings" of this building, but as much of the building was still under construction, i was having a very difficult time getting to it. there would be entire sections of the building that were closed off. so i remember kind of making my way around to get to where i was supposed to be. on the way, i think i stumbled into some forgotten places. it looked as though at one point, i was clambering over a storage space, and looking into a lot of flotsam and jetsam from students over the decades: a mirror with the profile of people cut into it. other things. at the same time, i came to the realization that it was friday, and that all the "kids" were itching to party. and i thought how odd it was, and how i couldn't really feel that, or feel the same way.

there was that feeling, of not measuring up. it was strange, but i wasn't at williams as in a memory of the place. i was conscious that i had already graduated. i had already "passed" this place. but somehow i was back, perhaps to earn a different degree or something. there was this notion that the only place i could perform to a higher standard was here, because i was pushed to excel here. everywhere else, i was only degenerating...

*****

i recall now that there was an earlier part of the dream, one in which i was travelling back somewhere. i had some sort of strange (but cheap) vehicle; it was elongated and yellow, with tapered ends. at the "center" where the driver sat, there was some sort of (motorized?) wheel. basically, the thing ran almost like a fulcrum, with the ends gently going down to the ground as i moved... only, at one point the tip of my vehicle kind of broke... i believe me father was there, i recall him talking to me. and other people. and all around where other inventions, similarly strange vehicles. this was on an old cracked sidewalk...