perhaps that last post wasn't the best way to start off the new year… but i suppose i was just being honest. that perhaps is my biggest challenge right now.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
i am the younger brother.
people have been telling me that it is my responsibility to bow down to my older brother and restore relations somehow. i keep telling them that i have been doing that all my life, and it is not my call anyway; my brother decides when to call it quits, and if any one (especially me) tries to convince him otherwise, then he just ignores me. same as when, whenever i would try to tell him something important, he would turn on the tv to fox news or espn, and whenever i would solicit a response, he would flat out ignore me or make a comment about obama or whatever. treat me like a piece of shit.
my brother, as he prides himself, has so many friends. so what does he need a brother for anyway?
it's funny, i keep referring patients his way, and then they return telling me how wonderful he is... and then, not long after, they start looking at me funny, because all professional courtesy aside, he probably can't help but let slip how much he loathes his brother (if he even admits he has one; he currently has no sister, after all). and these are people i work with.
there is a secret i could tell. i have kept it because i wanted to protect all parties involved, and because i don't think it's my place to tell it... but it's kind of like bilbo and smaug the dragon. my brother is so self-righteous, that this vulnerability tempts an arrow... but no, i wouldn't do it.
i'm sorry, i just have so much anger and rage towards my brother. at times like this, i can't help but think about it, with everyone speaking about peace and harmony and everything. the world (as always) sees him as this successful together fellow, and looks at me as his piece of shit brother. and maybe they're right. after all, he can stomach the hypocrisy, and belch out insults my way, while i glower in silence with all of this stuff that i still dare not say... everybody thinks it's my role to beg for forgiveness.
i am the younger brother.
people have been telling me that it is my responsibility to bow down to my older brother and restore relations somehow. i keep telling them that i have been doing that all my life, and it is not my call anyway; my brother decides when to call it quits, and if any one (especially me) tries to convince him otherwise, then he just ignores me. same as when, whenever i would try to tell him something important, he would turn on the tv to fox news or espn, and whenever i would solicit a response, he would flat out ignore me or make a comment about obama or whatever. treat me like a piece of shit.
my brother, as he prides himself, has so many friends. so what does he need a brother for anyway?
it's funny, i keep referring patients his way, and then they return telling me how wonderful he is... and then, not long after, they start looking at me funny, because all professional courtesy aside, he probably can't help but let slip how much he loathes his brother (if he even admits he has one; he currently has no sister, after all). and these are people i work with.
there is a secret i could tell. i have kept it because i wanted to protect all parties involved, and because i don't think it's my place to tell it... but it's kind of like bilbo and smaug the dragon. my brother is so self-righteous, that this vulnerability tempts an arrow... but no, i wouldn't do it.
i'm sorry, i just have so much anger and rage towards my brother. at times like this, i can't help but think about it, with everyone speaking about peace and harmony and everything. the world (as always) sees him as this successful together fellow, and looks at me as his piece of shit brother. and maybe they're right. after all, he can stomach the hypocrisy, and belch out insults my way, while i glower in silence with all of this stuff that i still dare not say... everybody thinks it's my role to beg for forgiveness.
i am the younger brother.
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